Keys to Discipleship: Building a Relational Environment

We talk a lot about discipleship here at Raising Everyday Disciples, but what are some simple keys to discipleship that can get you started in relating with others in this way? How do we engage well with those were are discipling and point them to Christ through our relationship?

Over the years, many women have poured Christ into me through faithfully discipling me. There are many keys to discipleship that I have found through their example to me and also through my time discipling other women. One the most influential verses for me in thinking through how to make disciples in a relational way is 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8:

“But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.“

The entire context of these verses have so many helpful components of discipleship that we see Paul expressing in many of his letters to the churches he ministered to. I specifically love how this chapter inspires me in what it looks like to make disciples. So much of disciple making means letting people into our lives and into our relationship with God and others. It is caring deeply, with a gentle, affectionate, motherly love as we both share the gospel of Jesus and how it plays out in our everyday lives.

Let me share with you some key characteristics of discipleship relationships that I have both experienced through others and have found to be helpful myself.

Keys to Engaging in Relational Discipleship

1. Be Genuine

It is so important to share our real lives with those we are discipling. Be real about what you are going through, sharing your life and your heart with them. This is so important as you model what following Jesus looks like and help them to do the same. As you are genuine, you set the stage for them to be too.

2. Be Vulnerable

Share your struggles, your questions, your sins, and genuinely what’s going on in your heart. Part of discipleship is opening up your heart and letting them in. They need to see that you too are a sinner desperately in need of a Savior! You aren’t called to be the perfect example for them to follow, you are called to point them to their dependence on the Perfect Savior. So, open up and don’t be afraid to share your sin and how God helps you in your weakness. What a powerful example this is as we express our need for Jesus!

This also gives them the opportunity to recognize that it’s okay not to be perfect and to share their struggles as well. It isn’t always easy to be vulnerable, but it is worth it as you present the opportunity for relational growth both between the two of you and also in each of your relationships with God.

3. Be Gracious

There are so many temptations, struggles, hard questions, and decisions going on in everyone’s world. As you invest in the lives of others, you want to be someone they feel the freedom to be open about their struggles with. They need to know that you will deal gently and graciously with their sins, questions, and struggles. Often this means allowing them to share without you responding with judgment, but instead responding with grace and kindness, while still presenting truth at the same time.

One of the most helpful verses for me on this is Romans 2:4 which talks about how “God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance.” As we deal with other’s sins and struggles with grace, we acknowledge the depth of sin that Christ saved us from and are reminded of how God’s kindness draws us to repentance. We can respond with grace because we know how God has responded to us in our despair. Responding with grace points others to the grace of God.

This doesn’t mean that we don’t teach truth or that we shy away from correcting others when need be. We must share truth! What it does mean is that we respond with patience, kindness, and grace, not judgment. And when we share truth, we do so with gentleness and grace.

4. Be a Good Question Asker

Discipleship is not just about teaching, but caring and walking alongside others as you both follow Jesus. Asking questions helps you to see their heart and causes them to think deeply about their own walk with the Lord. When we ask good questions, we cause people to search the Word for themselves and to deeply ponder what they think about the topic you are discussing. It also shows care for them and intentionality as you show interest in their thoughts, opinions, and lives.

5. Be a Good Listener

Asking questions is an awesome start, but don’t ask a question with the intention to share your answer! Ask those great, heart questions and then LISTEN. Listen well. Let them share. Then let your next question be guided by what you heard them say. Listening well allows you to not just think about what you want to say, but opens the door to lean into where their heart is at.

6. Welcome Them Into Your World

This one is huge for me! It is so important to let those we are discipling into our world and into our homes. Let them do life with you and see what it looks like for you to follow Jesus. Let me see how you respond to the long line at Target or to a toddler throwing a fit. Give them the opportunity of learning from not only you, but your friends, family, husband, kids, roommates, etc. Help them see how you wrestle with applying the gospel to your everyday life and circumstances. As you live life together, they get a genuine view of life with Christ, see if what you say matches with how you really live, and you also grow to have a deeper, trusting friendship with one another.

7. Jump Into Their World

Not only is it important to welcome them into your world, but it is great to get into their world. What do they love? How can you support them in what’s going on in their lives? Do they have a performance to go watch? Do they have a family to engage with and get to know as well? Can you encourage them by visiting them at work or bringing them a meal or serving them in some way? Seeing them in their world helps you to grow a genuine relationship, to care for them intentionally, and see how they’re going in their daily walk with the Lord.

8. Share God’s Word

A major key to discipleship is getting into God’s Word together. Learn from one another and share truths about God’s character and goodness, and how you’ve seen this play out in your week. Talk about what you have learned in your own time with God and give them space to do so. Challenge one another through God’s Word and allow God to guide your time together. Whatever you are discussing, let it be rooted and grounded in the Word of God.

A Helpful Tool to Get You Started: How To Spend Time with God In His Word

9. Pray Together

Spending time praying together is so important as well. Pray over what you have discussed. Ask how to be praying for one another and share in each other’s lives in this way. Read a Psalm and praise God together for His character. Pray for the world together, the needs of your community, and your family and friends. This time can be so encouraging as we bring our praise and desires before the Lord together with one voice before the Father.

Related: Importance of Prayer in Discipleship

As you do all of these things, remember that it is God who gives the growth.

“I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.” 1 Corinthians 3:6-7

God alone does the changing of hearts, but He graciously allows us to be a part of the process of making disciples of all nations. We are called to faithfully share while He faithfully does the work of heart change. These keys to discipleship are just a starting point of how to build a relational environment that will make room for God to grow their hearts toward Him. I pray they will bless you and those you disciple as you seek God together!

Not sure where to start with someone you are discipling? Check out my Basic Discipleship Topics Printable to help you out and head over to my Discipleship Resources page for more resources to encourage and equip you in making disciples of all nations!