How to Disciple Children: Where Do We Start?

Knowing how to disciple children may seem overwhelming at first…where do we start?

I remember when our firstborn was a baby and I was so eager to share Jesus with him. I couldn’t wait to start having deeper conversations with him, reading the Bible with him, and seeing what God would do in his life. I was so eager to get going with all of those things and it seemed like that time would never come. I started reading books and asking friends with older kids questions. I began thinking about what discipling kids might look like and started observing families that I respected to see what they were doing. At the time, we were in full-time ministry, so I was also asking questions about how to make discipling my kids a priority when I was busy discipling other women too. I knew this parenting thing was a big responsibility- a big opportunity that God had given us and I was both eager to be faithful and also fearful I would completely mess it all up.

I know what you’re thinking…your son was just a baby, chill out! Welcome to my world 🙂

But really, I’m so thankful that I was that way because as much as I was eager to get to the deeper stuff, the discipleship process begins right away. Even as babies, our children are learning about what kind of love we show- hopefully they are experiencing the love of Christ in the way we interact with them. As they move into their toddler years, they are learning about authority, kindness, and patience. Little opportunities arise to show them all the things God has created or to memorize their first Bible verses with them. By the time they get to their preschool and early elementary years, the opportunities to discuss begin growing and they are learning so much so quickly. They are also keenly observing the way you live life, how you talk to them and others, and how your faith impacts your everyday life. They take in much more than we think they do!

All this to say, discipling our children starts at day one. It begins as we are praying over our children in the womb and continues on throughout their lives. It is an all-of-life kind of thing. As we go through our day to day life with our kids, we will be pointing them to be a disciple of something or someone, and as believers in Christ, we should desperately want to point them to be a disciple of Jesus!

So, what does it look like to disciple our children? And why should this be a priority for every believing parent?

Let’s first look at the why.

Why should we disciple our children?

We are commanded to pass on Jesus to the next generation!

All over scripture, we are commanded to make disciples (see Matthew 28:19-20, 2 Timothy 2:2 for a few examples). As parents, we are commanded to teach our children the ways of the Lord, to pass on our faith to the next generation. I think Deuteronomy 6 is a really helpful chapter on both the why and the how of discipling our children. For the why we will look specifically at verses 4-7a:

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children…”

So, not only are we to love the Lord our God with all our heart and have His words on our hearts, but we are commanded to diligently teach our children to love the Lord and His words as well. I could point to so many other places in scripture that also tell us to share Christ with our children. Ephesians 6:4 tells fathers to “bring their children up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord.” Proverbs 22:6 says to “train up a child in the way he should go.” And so on. It is clearly important to God that we pass on the glory of God and the excellencies of Christ to the next generation. And it is also clear that as parents faithfully disciple their children, this is one means God uses to fulfill the Great Commission of making disciples of all nations!

It is a great privilege to disciple our children!

It is a joy, privilege, and amazing opportunity that we have to share this great treasure of Christ with our children and guide them towards Christ.

As disciples of Christ, we should be growing to treasure Christ above all things and loving Him with all our hearts. We should be changed by Christ as we seek Him and we should desire to share this great treasure with those around us. Out of the overflow of our hearts, we should want to pass on the “unsearchable riches of Christ” (Ephesians 3:8) that we have been entrusted with as believers. As we love, trust, and follow Christ daily, we should joyously desire to share this with all around us, especially our children. It is a joy to share Christ with them!

What does it look like to disciple our children?

In my previous post “Why make disciples?“, I discuss what the term discipleship means. It’s about finding someone to encourage towards Christ, humbly sharing what Christ is teaching you, allowing them into your life and your world, and helping them to do the same with others. As we are the people our kids are most influenced by, we have the prime position in their life to be pointing them towards Christ.

While my questions as a young mom about how to disciple children were helpful, I think in some ways I was looking for a formula. Unfortunately, like all discipleship, there is no formula. It is not a time you sit down once a week, open the Word together, pray together, and then wait for the next meeting to happen. While these things are helpful and should very much be a part of discipling children, a big portion of discipling them is in our day to day lives. That brings us to the next section in our Deuteronomy passage which says:

“…and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Deuteronomy 6:7b-9

It is as we sit in our house, as we walk, as we lie down, all throughout everything we do, our words and our actions should proclaim the excellencies of Christ to our children. Yikes. That can feel like a lot of pressure. I know myself and I know I am sinful and in need of Christ every moment of everyday. So how could I EVER disciple my children if it is as I go throughout my everyday life?

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for me to realize my failures were going to come each and every day, but this is exactly where the gospel shines through us. It is what we do with these mess ups that matters. Are we covering them up, making light of them OR are we coming to our children asking for forgiveness and grace? As we do this, they get a front row seat to HOW the gospel impacts our everyday lives, our hearts, and our relationships. They see OUR need for Jesus and how we run to Him daily. As much as we often don’t want to admit it, these are beautiful gospel moments.

Now, while this is an everyday, as you go, moment by moment kind of discipleship, there are some things I’ve found helpful along the way, some of those being things you sit down regularly to do together.

Here are 9 helpful thoughts on how to get started in discipling children:

1. First and foremost, we must be seeking to grow in our own relationship with Christ daily.

Remember, as we are seeking Jesus, it is out of the overflow of our hearts that we lead them. WE must first be seeking after the Lord daily, being filled with His Word, and in prayer if we want to share Christ with them.

2. It’s a process!

We will never “get there” or finish the process of discipling our kids. Be patient and focus on the relationship you have with your child and they have with Christ.

3. Your kids are never too young to start!

Even as babies, you can begin the habit of doing family Bible time each night before they go to sleep. Many read to their babies and begin this practice- so why not read a short children’s Bible and make it a part of your family rhythms from the beginning?

4. Keep it simple.

I am a resources fanatic! I love finding good resources and I tend to overdo the amount of things I want to do. That just gets overwhelming. Keep whatever you choose to do for a family Bible time or other discipleship times simple and centered on Christ.

5. Point them to God in everyday moments.

One of my favorite ways to do this is by pointing out beautiful things in nature and talking about how God created all of those things- He is powerful, mighty, and ruler of the world. He is the creator of both the world and of us. There are so many truths that we can point out to them as we go through life if we only stop and take the time to notice for ourselves!

6. Let them see you in your relationship with God.

Lead by example. Often times I read my Bible and pray before anyone else gets up in the morning. I like that quiet time alone with God without the interruptions. But, over the years, I’ve learned that it’s a wonderful thing for them to see me do these things, to notice the priority that I give to getting daily time with God, and to discuss with them why I am doing what I’m doing. Other chances might be allowing them to be a part of your weekly Bible study you go to or sit in on the conversation you are having with someone else you are discipling. It may even be just discussing something you are learning about God as you go through the day. It is good for them to see how much you care about these things, are pursuing to share Christ with others, and are seeking the Lord for yourself.

7. Family Bible Time

Family Bible time or family worship or family devotions (whatever you like to call them!) are an incredible way to model how to worship God and give you an opportunity to worship Him together. I will discuss some helpful tips to get started with this in my next post, but for now if this is a new idea, remember with this one, start small. Choose one new thing to try at a time and slowly add it into your family life and see how it is a blessing to your entire family! This is a great opportunity we can have as parents to share truth with them, show them how to read the Bible, pray, and discern truth for themselves.

8. Walk alongside each child individually.

Walk alongside each child individually to help them learn what it looks like to follow Jesus for themselves. Discipleship is a “with them” thing. Don’t just tell them what to do, but do it with them. Sit down and show them how to spend time with God on their own. Pray together with them. Spend time individually with them to discuss their relationship with God and to invest in them personally and specifically. (This will look very different between different aged children, so be creative and adapt to each child!)

9. Pray for your children! It is the role of God to save your children.

And lastly, it is not up to you to save your children, that is the role of God. While we can be faithful parents to pass on a love for Christ to our children, it is not up to us if they decide to follow Christ. As we faithfully share, we must pray for the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts and transform them by the power of the gospel. Prayer and dependence on God are keys to discipling children and are the only way true heart change will come about in them.

Alright, that was a lot. Can you tell I’m passionate about this? While there is no real “how to disciple children” formula (as with all discipleship!), I pray that you will be encouraged to get started today in pouring the hope of the gospel into the lives of your children daily. There are few greater callings that we could have than to share Christ with our children, pointing them daily to the great treasure we have in Christ and to the joy in serving our great and glorious Savior!