Using the Bible to Correct Kids’ Hearts in Righteousness

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I respond to and correct my kids’ hearts throughout the day. I tend to have a perfect little picture in my mind about how I will respond: I will be slow to anger, I will recognize my sin before pointing out theirs, I will listen well, I will care more about their hearts than their actions, and I will share the gospel with them as we pray together about our need for Christ. What a nice picture, huh?

Most often, this is not my response at all. I am more likely to be quick to frustration when one child isn’t sharing with the other (or insert the most recent sin issue) and I try to find the quickest way possible to solve the problem and make everyone happy again (especially me, as I was focused and busy on something else and was so rudely interrupted!). Sound more familiar? I so wish this wasn’t true of my heart, but many days lately, this is where my heart is at.

I remember early on in my parenting journey, I read a lot of books, asked every mom I knew a million questions, and was eager to share the gospel with my kids, seeing every moment as a gospel opportunity. When they were younger, this seemed simpler as the issues of their hearts were almost always about obedience or thankfulness. As they got a little bit older, the issues of their hearts became more complex and overwhelming, leaving me unsure of the best way to respond. And without a plan or a heart centered on the gospel, my responses were out of frustration instead of out of humility and grace.

Instead of prayerfully asking God for help, many times I have let my own sin issues of impatience and anger get in the way of gospel-centered parenting.

So, today, in light of this, I want to talk about using the Bible to correct and train our kids’ hearts in righteousness. I speak on this from a deep desire to be doing this as I disciple my children and as a reminder to myself to shepherd their hearts towards Christ with the gospel. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says:

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

These verses are so clear that God’s Word is sufficient in all circumstances- in teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness. This means that the Bible is also sufficient as we teach, rebuke, correct, and train our children in righteousness as well!

We should be pouring the truths of the Bible out to our children in all that we do, showing them what it looks like to love Him with all our hearts and loves others more than ourselves. And we also should be using God’s Word for correcting and training in times of disobedience as well.

I remember at my baby shower before my first child was born, one of the very wise, older women who came shared about using biblical terms from the beginning with our children. Instead of saying “be nice” or “say sorry”, we should use biblical terms such as “be kind” or “ask forgiveness.” Doing this causes the language of the Bible to be familiar from the beginning, so that when you are reading the Bible or teaching them about God, these words are already a part of their vocabulary and easier to understand because you have built a strong foundation beforehand.

Likewise, in times of sin and heart issues in need of our correction, our first response as Christian parents should be to point them to the gospel, using God’s Word to guide our training of their hearts. When we have already built a foundation of the Word into their hearts, this provides language they already know to discuss all of our need for Jesus. These times are always an opportunity, not an interruption! As we see character and sin arise in our children’s hearts, we must take this opportunity to point them to their need for Jesus as their great Savior and pour His Word into their hearts.

And what a great need it is that we all have for the gospel to be rooted deeply in our hearts! The gospel speaks to our brokenness and our need for a new heart. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

God changes our hearts from the inside out. He cares about the heart, not just our behavior. As Luke 6:45 makes clear, “out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

Unfortunately, because of sin, what comes out of our hearts without the grace of Christ, is pretty ugly. We all need a new heart through Christ. So, how does our approach to parenting speak to the issues of our hearts and our need for a Savior? Is our approach pointing us and our children to the gospel? If we only care about behavior modification, we are missing our purpose as believing parents to point our children to the goodness of our Savior. We can’t get to the cross if we are only caring about the outward behavior issues.

Much of this starts with ourselves. Do we do this for our own hearts? Do we take the time to address the issues of our own hearts first? Do we know how to even do this? The more we are spending time diving deep into God’s Word for ourselves and praying over the issues of our own hearts, the more God does His transforming work in us. As we learn to do this for ourselves, it will not only help us respond in a gospel centered way to the sins of our children, but it will also guide us as we correct and train them in righteousness as well.

So, what might this practically look like to use the truths of the Bible to correct and train kids’ hearts in righteousness?

• We must first be discussing the truths of the Bible in times of peace before correction is needed. Go back to the 2 Timothy 3:16 passage. The first thing it says that God’s Word is useful for is teaching. When we have already taught the gospel and what God desires of us beforehand, the concept is not new when we are trying to correct in the middle of a conflict or heart issue.
  
  One way we have done this in our family is through the scripture memory and meditation plan I put together called “As We Walk By the Way.” As we have memorized, discussed, and meditated on scripture in times of peace, it has built a foundation for how we can discuss character issues in light of the gospel as times arise. Sign up below to get started with this study if it would bless your family!

• Memorize scripture that points ALL of you to the gospel. Put it up in your house, discuss it as you go throughout your day, and have it readily available both on your hearts and for reference in times of correction. As God’s Word is hidden in our hearts, it will flow out of our mouths as we teach, rebuke, correct, and train our children’s hearts towards their need for Christ and dependence on Him in all circumstances.

• Check your own heart. Has your heart been steeped in the truths of scripture today? Where is your heart? Are you selfishly angry towards the sin of others or are you humbly recognizing your own sin allowing you to be patient and gracious with others? Are you “quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger” as James 1:19 says? When we recognize our need for a Savior and the sins of our own hearts, we deal much more graciously and kindly than when we approach with a self-righteous anger or frustration.

• In times where correction is needed, use biblical concepts and verses to instruct, correct, and guide your conversation. Remind them of the truths of the gospel, our need for Jesus, and what it looks like to love Him and others in this specific circumstance. Discuss those verses you have previously discussed and memorized. Be gracious as you remind them that we are ALL in need of Jesus every hour of every day.

• No matter what your method for discipline, make sure the gospel is central as you address the heart issues and not just the behavior. Ask good questions to get to the heart of what’s going on, not just what you can see is going on from the outside. Let them tell you and recognize the sin in their own hearts. And then, point them to the sufficiency of the gospel and God’s forgiveness and kindness towards us. Allow God to change them from the inside out by the power of the gospel at work in them.
  
  For more on sharing the gospel with them, check out these posts:
  The Gospel in Our Everyday Lives
  What is the Gospel?

• After taking the time to discuss, make sure you are praying together about the heart issues discussed, crying out to our great Savior for the issues of both of your hearts. This can be time to repent to one another as well and ask for prayer from your children too for your own heart!

• Be patient and gracious. This approach takes time, but it is well worth every minute! You won’t get it right every time- you are sinful too and are in need of God’s grace. When you don’t get it right, be quick to ask for forgiveness from both God and your children if you’ve acted out of anger or impatience, and ask God for His help to respond in a godly manner the next time. Praise God that His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23)!

An example of using the Bible in correcting hearts:

Let me give you a common example from my own home.

You are busy making dinner and you hear the kids fighting over a toy they both want to play with. They are bickering back and forth and come running in to share the reason they think they should have the toy first. One kid grabs the toy from the other causing an uproar from both kids as they chase each other around the house.

Now, you could respond in a frustrated way like this: *Yelling…*”How many times have I told you today to share your toys? You are being selfish and you just need to share. Who had the toy first? Wait, you stole that from your sister, so you don’t get it! Now it’s your sister’s and you don’t get it at all today. Now go back to playing quietly please.”

OR

You could respond with God’s Word in a gospel centered way: *Take a second to think, check your own heart, and prayerfully begin talking.* “Hey guys, come here please. Let’s think for a minute how you can be thinking of others above yourself. How are you looking out for the interests of others right now? Or are you only looking out for your own interests? (Discuss). Remember our memory verses that address this? Philippians 2 has taught us to think of the needs of others above ourselves, just as Christ has done for us. Now, I know we can’t do this on our own very well and it is hard in our sinfulness to always think of others above ourselves- that’s why we need Jesus and is exactly why He came to die for us! Let’s repent of our sin both to God and one another and ask Him for His help in this area.”

Now, this is ONE example and ONE situation, not something to be followed word for word. It also will look different depending on the ages of your children and where they are at in understanding. The main thing to point out is that in the first response, there was no concern for the heart, only for the actions, and there was no pointing of their hearts to our need for Jesus and the gospel. Consequences were given, but the opportunity was missed to share the gospel and shepherd their hearts. Our instructions must be informed by God’s Word and directed by the power of the gospel at work in our hearts.

I hope this discussion and these examples will be a starting point for you in thinking through how to use the Bible in instructing and correcting the hearts of your children. It is a process that we are all on and have to be continually reminding ourselves each and every day. It is hard and it is time-consuming, but it is so worth it as we faithfully pour the gospel into these little hearts God has entrusted to us as parents. As you think and pray on this, may the Lord guide you in what this might look like for your specific family situation as you lead your children toward Christ every moment of every day. But remember, it is the power of God at work in your children that changes hearts, not you. It’s not about the method, but about faithfully pouring God’s Word into their hearts and making room for God to work and transform them by His power.

Let me leave you with some of my favorite verses to pray for the hearts of my children and for my own heart. May they guide you to first PRAY for your own heart and your children’s hearts:

“And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy; giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”
Colossians 1:9-14